Welcome to OOPS! I Blew my inheritance!
And whatsup people, this is Tyree Sneed. I received a lump sum of money from a family inheritance. Over the course of a few short years, I blew all the money on hotels, strip clubs, and ultimately in pursuit of a stupid fantasy, proving to my family I'm not responsible enough for my family's money.
Things I need to realize:
I am Deflecting
The horrible reality of my situation sits in the back of my mind like a boiling pot of water in another room. However long I choose to ignore reality is how long I will continue to suffer. I made bad decisions, maybe I'm not all there, and I wasted the better years of my life wrapped up in a fantasy world amalgamation of music and movies I liked. I did this because I am an anxious and fragile person with hypochondriac tendencies, and I should learn to not be such a pussy.
I am Projecting
I should consider that I inherited some mental illness from my mother along with all that money I blew. My untreated raging narcissism causes me to only think about myself. I have no reference outside of myself, therefore anything I say critically of others is actually about me.
I need to realize that its okay to have mental illness, but it is not okay to lash out at people and think the world revolves around me. Other people exist too, and I should consider living symbiotically with people rather than viewing people as means to an end. This is how actual friends are made, and maybe I wouldn't be so terribly lonely if I wasn't a total selfish asshole of the highest degree. I need to get medication and therapy, and stop talking so much, and listen to a licensed professional who can tell me what is going on inside my brain and why I feel so miserable and exhausted every day.
I need to stop my nonsense
These hard truths are difficult to face, and sometimes it seems like I have dug a hole so deep in the wrong direction, that I may as well continue doing it. I will only continue to find new lows and deeper valleys as I continue to wander the streets, waiting on fantasies that will never be fulfilled. The mundane is frightening to me. How could this possibly be? I want so badly to be the cosmic mover of all things. Why am I so powerless in my pursuit of the impossible? Years of disappointment in myself and the world have carved the walls of reality down at an accelerated pace. I dress up as Batman to escape this hell of my life even if briefly. I speak to an audience that is sickened by me. It never occurs to me that I may be the problem. It has somehow become easier to daydream about a fake future, than to tend to my aching body and teeth. I allow myself to be taken advantage of by a stranger on the internet who keeps dangling sweet nothings in front of my face. But I learned to dilute what I see in front of me a long time ago. I'll continue to ignore my problems and meander from idea to idea until I become so sick I can't walk anymore. These are things I should talk to Frank Acevedo and other mental health professionals about. I am so close to figuring out that I am a complete lunatic, and that I am exhausted from years of holding up a mountain of delusions and guilt on my shoulders. 2026 could be the year I turn my life around, or another year I continue to lend myself to outrageous ridiculous fantasies and ideas.